50+ Cuss Word Alternatives

In a few of my previous lives, I was a sailor, and judging by my vocabulary I’d say I wasn’t just a sailor but one kick-ass pirate! Unfortunately, as my husband tells me…all…the…time…cursing makes you look unintelligent. Now, both my fellow sailors and I know that that’s not true. Using words incorrectly makes you look stupid and cuss words are not normally used incorrectly, at least not by me.

Anyhow, I’m a mom, blah, blah, blah, so I am trying to be a good example and all that jazz. So a couple of months ago I asked my friends on Facebook to give me their best bad word alternatives. Here is a VERY EXTENSIVE LIST with some explanations here and there. (Corresponding blogs are linked.)
  1. Monkey Poo
  2. Shiznit
  3. Frickity
  4. Crudbucket
  5. Motherpucker
  6. Bush league
  7. Sugar bush
  8. Balls (We had many, many, balls on the list)
  9. Son of a Mother
  10. Mother bear
  11. Sweet mary and Jooooosssseeeppphhhh (in my best fake Irish accent…)
  12. Bozos
  13. From Madagascar: Shouda Had an Iced Tea and Grand Cooley Dam!
  14. From Rise of the Guardians: Shostakovich!
  15. From Spongebob: Barnacles
  16. Using random, silly words that start with the same letter as the cuss word you want to use. ex. Soda or Forceps
  17. Motherfather
  18. THANK YOU Arnebya from What Now and Why for this super awesome clip and great idea! Book Exclamations
  19. Go French, Oh Mince!
  20. Shenanigans
  21. For the Love of Everything
  22. Shut the Front Door
  23. Pickles
  24. From Ice Age: Continental Divide: Suck It up, Buttercup
  25. God Bless America
  26. Biscuit Eater
  27. Snot
  28. Nuts and Bolts
  29. The Cosby filth, farth, and filth
  30. Shitake Mushrooms
  31. Sweet Darius Rucker
  32. Monkey Fluffer
  33. Peanut Butter and Crackers
  34. Stuck
  35. Perfect
  36. Bob Saget
  37. What the French toast
  38. Kiss my applesauce
  39. Kiss my grits (How’s that for a flashback?)
  40. From Adventure Time: What the Funky Fresh? and Don’t Be a Dumb Apple
  41. Oh, Faaaaaaabulous!
  42. Shnikeys
  43. Mother of Pearl
  44. Itchy Bee (I loved this one from Michelle of They Call Me Mummy and you’ve got to hear the backstory! “My daughter told me that there was a girl in her class who is an itchy bee. I replied, "huh?". With a poker face and raised eyebrow, she continued, "Bee with and itch..... Get it, Mum? B + itch!" Apparently this is doubly satisfying because she can say it at school ;p” 
  45. Son of a Beehive
  46. Snap
  47. Fracking
  48. Fish
  49. Dad Gum It
  50. Golly Gee Wilikers
  51. Fudge
  52. Rat Turds
  53. Shish Kabob
  54. Smart Ass=Intellectual Donkey
  55. Cheese and Rice
  56. Fudgescicles
  57. Sugar
  58. A brother who’s sister’s name is Chas, “I use the word Chas!!!! For example "I'll be Chasd" it works for me!!!!”
  59. Oh My Word
  60. Rats


  1. I am giggling so very hard at this. It's so much funnier to see them laid out this way and you've given me so many new people to read, so thanks!

  2. Holy Criminy, that's one heck of a list (oh, and "holy criminy" would be the tops of mine, for sure!) I feel so far removed from blogland (having been lost in a mixed media portal for a while), you have given me some great blogs to check out - for which I am most grateful. On top of that - I've got some new things words to throw out when needed! LOL!

  3. Love it. I tend to say naughties when I'm under extreme stress, try not to but do. Sue me. I'll print these out and highlight my favorites that will be easy enuf for me to recall when needed and I'm pretty sure they'll be needed before my time on this earth ends, lol

  4. Cheese & rice! Laid out like that, these substitutions are even funnier. Thanks for including Miss M's little spark of genius :)

    Sidenote - Miss M was being snarky (as only a tween can be) and I said, "Don't be a clever dick!" That was her - DONE. She laughed so hard at me for that archaic phrase I resurrected from the 1600s. Clever dick! That wasn't rude when I was a kid!


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